Hold me prisoner no longer

I wrote a letter to diabetes. I have let it hold me prisoner for too long.  One of my biggest fears is it wreaking havoc on more of my children, (friends and family too).  If one child has T1D, the risk for the siblings to be diagnosed by age of 50 is 1 in 10.  I anticipate it every minute, someone peeing more than normal or drinking all day long…smelling extra fruity. I monitor expecting to find my biggest nightmare.  I can think and think and worry some more…but the reality is I cannot stop this from happening.

I know this road all too well, and know what surprises are in store.  So what diabetes can do to me shouldn’t hold me prisoner every day.  I can’t exert my energy in portals that are only possibilities. I can only imagine what other T1D parents fear; because I know what we experience is the same. What more can it do? it has already changed our life and we can’t look back at what use to be.  So today I try to let go of the things I cannot change or prevent. What I can do is remain ever-watching and vigilant. What I can do is keep fighting.

To Diabetes:

You can hold me prisoner no more; I cannot allow you to. I am already prisoner to your needs, your actions, and deeds but will not be held prisoner from your scare tactics. You have taken enough from me, and from us. I cannot surrender the rest that I have; for fear that I could not go on.

I find myself on edge, looking and watching.  Being the detective I never wanted to be.  I pray every day for peace once more and hold my breath at every sign and signal, waiting for my world to crumble once more.

I anticipate your grasp, fearing you would once more reach mine so dear. You cannot have my other children. To surrender to you would mean I give up. Giving you that power would render me useless.  This fear I let go.

You took innocence and security with no remorse or regard.  You stole health and left chaos in your wake.  Thinking you left total destruction for your own prideful boast; we retaliate by being more than you expected.

Together we all rallied, to fight you and make it known to those around.  You are a taker, not one gift do you give.  Refusing to become less, we will strive to be more.  Coming together as a family your threats we face as one.

She took this journey with grace and dignity; never giving way to your cruel intentions.  She wins today, tomorrow and forever; because she never ever will surrender.  Surrounded with love, knowledge and support…you cannot have what is not yours.  So until there is a cure, it’s me you must fight. A mother once scorned, her children to protect.

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