Hope

Setting up Kinzie’s pump (we got a replacement pump in the mail due to faulty keypad) I was thinking about how blessed we are to have such modern technology.  An electronic the size of a pager with such powers as to help me better play the role of the pancreas. What a blessing it is to be able to face such an illness with advances every day.  I pray for a cure every day, but until that happens I will continue to pray for such continued advances in modern medicine.

Sometimes I do feel desensitized to the word ‘cure’ because it is littered all over the place when it comes to diabetes…so close yet so far.  I use the word ‘cure’ very lightly and tread very gingerly on such claims.  More than anything I want a cure, more than anything I hope one is discovered in Kinzie’s lifetime. But more than anything I understand the complications of this disease and how much about it we still do not know. So many aspects are still a mystery and in many aspects of it we have educated guesses. Haven’t been able to completely pin-point all the details.

What I have come to accept is that a cure may not be in my future, may not be in my daughter’s future, but it is going to happen. I cannot change God’s timing.  Perhaps what I can change is our outlook on what we are given and the blessings that accompany such challenges. Some days I can accept this better than others.

What I can do is enlighten those around me, teach my daughter how to keep herself as healthy as possible and to lead through example so that when she is on her own this disease will not be unchartered territory.  I can continue to learn and keep up with the ever-changing technology and advances.  I can continue to educate those around us.  I can continue to do the job that God has handed me to my best ability everyday. I have to think that God knew or at least saw some sort of ability in me to have blessed me to be Kinzie’s mother.  I strive to meet each new day with a positive outlook; otherwise I could drown in my own misery which I create for myself.  I prefer a positive outlook…tried the misery thing for a while and it just didn’t suit me.

I can pray all day to find a cure…and I do.  I have also come to think that perhaps I need to put just as much energy into praying for medical advances and pray that I can set Kinzie up to lead a healthy normal life. I need to take into account that what I teach my children and how I act now will and does affect them.  If I keep a brave face, always seek more information and learn all that i can, perhaps they will too.

Sometimes I wonder if praying solely for a cure isn’t what I need to be focusing on.

Every curve ball life throws at us is an opportunity to put together puzzle pieces we are given along the way.  I am still trying to find all of our pieces. I know that it isn’t about ‘my’ timing and what I need.  It is a process and what needs to happen is happening. Patience is a virtue. Every day I will carry hope in my heart.  Until there is a cure, indeed there is Hope.

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