After a wonderful (but challenging) experience in Santa Fe at Kinzie’s dance competition I have decided to write a post about being sorry…Simply because, you shouldn’t be.
We had a little bit of a hectic weekend ‘chasing’ lows (as one ‘D’ mom put it). Many of her dance team mates and other dancers with the studio witnessed a lot of what Kinzie has to do to stay healthy. It was nice to see interest and people not afraid to ask questions. She had support and was able to do a lot of teaching (which is a great thing). She much rather prefers questions and support than odd stares and whispers. She isn’t a contagious disease and doesn’t like being treated like one.
Many times we heard the comments “I am sorry you have to do that.” or “I feel so sorry for you.” While those comments are coming from a position of empathy and compassion, my response to that is “don’t be.” We do not need that and cannot benefit from those comments. They do no one good. Don’t feel bad for our situation, because we are doing great. We do the best we can.
You might think that is harsh, rude or odd. I say this simply because no words, actions or comments will ever make this go away. There is nothing in this world at the moment that could offer a cure. It is what it is. We deal. It is a part of us, and if you are always told ‘sorry’ it is easier to pity yourself, allow excuses or feel different.
We are the same as anyone in the fact that we have trials too. Our trials may be different, but they are our trials; just like your trials are yours. We are stronger because of it.
I think it is a natural reaction to use the word ‘sorry’ when you see someone else’s struggles or witness their trials first hand…but the fact is, don’t be sorry. You cannot control it, and we cannot change it. We are who we are and being sorry just makes us feel like you pity us, that you feel like you need to feel bad for us and think that what we have been given sucks majorly…which it does at times, (and we do not want or need a reminder.) We are troopers! We got this!
Just be there, just support us, and just walk along side us not above or below us. Treat us as equals; hold us to the same standard. Don’t ever think we need a hand out, we just need friends who offer understanding. We feel the need to raise awareness and spread the word, like that is a part of our purpose with this disease. But we do not feel the need to have a crutch.
So when you have the urge to tell someone you are ‘sorry’ they have to deal with what they have been given, keep in mind that if it cannot change them, the best thing to do is help keep positive momentum. We don’t need reminders how rotten life can be, because we find being optimistic makes all the difference in the world. We have enough ‘sorry’ moments for ourselves and it just never gets us anywhere. Don’t be sorry, be empathetic and aware.